Aldenham vs Ballinger‏

By Chewit

Ballinger (220 dec.) bt Aldenham (174) by 46 runs.

So how to tell the story of the most embarrassing batt= ing performance witnessed by this reporter in more than ten years playing regul= arly for Aldenham Cricket Club?

I’ll move swiftly through the fielding performan= ce, which passed predominantly without note, bar some fine fast bowling from Da= nny Morgan, a good spell from Scotty T and a misfield from yours truly which took many onlookers back to my lethargic teens!

Throw in a couple of catches from Sachin Sangvi and Michael Ward, plus a couple of “Barot Style” overthrows from the latter, and Ballinger reached= tea on 220, having been six or seven wickets down (I can’t remember which= and it later became irrelevant!)

After a stunning tea from Chris ‘Yes Chef’ Munroe, which included chicken tikka rice, a Mediterranean-style pasta, a cracking selection of sandwiches, potato salad, scones with jam and cream, sausage rolls, wraps and even a salad, the AR= 17;s set their sights on chasing down what was a decent target.

The pitch was better suited to the batsmen, offering l= ittle to the bowlers, so Chris Munroe and Baz Burton set out confident of getting= the Parish off to a good start.

And when the 100 partnership was reached about an hour= later with the two still at the crease, things still looked good. Baz was bowled shortly after that, on 33, sending Mr Sanghvi i= n to join Chris.

The two pushed on again, taking the home side to 161-1= with about 13 overs to go.

Things were looking so good that even Jerry Knight pop= ped down after his Easter lunch, looking jovial as ever as he took the umpires = coat to enjoy some time in the middle watching a surefire Aldenham victory…”At least we’re not going to lose” he later remembered thinking.

Unfortunately, Chris Munroe then decided to take on th= e arm of their worst fielder, setting off for a run as he picked the ball up, lea= ving him well short of his crease and back in the pavilion after a storming inni= ngs of 92.

Seconds later, the oppo br= ought on their part-time “we may as well give him a game” bowler which proved too much for the experienced talent of the home side.

Mr Sanghvi promptly slappe= d the slowest of slow full tosses straight back at him and was out. Seconds later, father-of-14 Itty ‘Slack’ Haque le= ft the ball entirely as it bobbled on to hit middle stump, golden duck number one.=

In went Danny Morgan, slow full toss slapped straight = back at the bowler, golden duck number 2.

In went Scotty T to the non-strikers end. Cue a long w= ait while Charlie ‘skipper’ Munroe padded up and decided he would finish thing quickly. Instead, he charged down the wicket, missed the ball = and was stumped, on about 5.

I’ve lost count, I th= ink it was about 168-6. Not to worry, we still have four wickets we thought, as Pe= ter ‘the old man of Aldenham’ drove out= of the ground for the next big gig, well we have th= ree at least.

This reporter was next at the crease, who wasted no time in running out Scotty T who hadn’t faced a ball. A not= so common Platinum Duck!

Frostie, Chrissy Munroe’s mate on his debut who was drafted in, became the third golden duck of the afternoon as he was promptly stumped first ball, not his fault after a faultless fielding performance.

And suddenly it was yours truly and Mikey Ward left to defend the final 6 overs on 170-8 = (the final wicket). At least they haven’t got any decent bowlers so we can just block it out…cue Mr Ward to scream for a run as I defended a bal= l to the covers before he was sent back and run out.

To say it was poor would be a lie,= shambolic barely even does it justice. Never has the self-destruct button b= een pushed in such a big way. “My finger was smoking!” said Jerry after, who was on hand to give the majority of the afternoon’s wicket= s.